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Is it worth remaining in a Loveless Marriage??

Ralph Fiennes and together with Julianne Moore who played the leading roles in the movie “The End of the Affair” brought the plot to life with an electrifying performance. This movie was about a passionate woman who was trapped in a loveless marriage which eventually drove her into the arms of another man.

The plot of this movie is very real and applicable to some marriages. There are quite a number of couples who live in loveless marriages where there is simply no love in the marriage anymore or in some instances there never was any love to begin with.

What brings a marriage to such a deadlock where you are totally oblivious to the feelings of your spouse? Is it lack of communication or is it due to people being too tied up in the rat race of life?? Well, I wouldn’t know coz I haven’t ventured into marriage as yet….

Nevertheless, I think that it is an awful situation to be in. Aren’t we all human beings with feelings??? Can you blame a person who is driven into the arms of another or who resorts to divorce, in a loveless marriage???

I guess that it is very easy for us to pass judgement on situations like this as we don’t share the pain and hurt the victims are going through. Most of us stick to the rules in the book and hence anything which differs from it is considered as evil.
The question of that matter is what is really evil???
Are not acts like malicious gossip, hypocrisy, injustice, physical abuse and false evidence more evil than affairs and divorces resorted to in a loveless marriage??

I am not saying that I consent to divorces and illegitimate affairs. In my eyes I think that everything has to be looked at subjectively and judgement can not be generalised.

What is needed to resolve deadlocks in marriages??
In my eyes I think that it’s vital for such couples in a loveless marriage to seek help (i.e. marriage counselling) and try and unearth the root cause for the matter, because you can only resolve things by bringing then out in the open. Being in denial will only aggravate the matter.

How can you avoid marriages turning bitter??
As the saying goes “prevention is better then cure” therefore I believe that in order to maintain a solid marriage it is vital to have love, fidelity, compromise, understanding, appreciation and a ear to listen.

Comments

Mahisha said…
Totally agree! you cover quite a lot, and used so few a words. Kudos on doing both! You could probably start branching out other thoughts from most sentences and elaborate further if you choose :)

For starters communication: not only about just talking - communicating feelings, touch, doing things without talking about it... a lot more to add.. When communication breaks down :'( Hhhmmmmm

"people being too tied up in the rat race" People going after money... endless desire for money. People forget priority..

thanks..
Dark_Horse said…
I agree with ur last paragraph more than the penultimate one... You should never get into a loveless marraige... Those who do so are forced to by some other party (eg: parents). In which case they make up there minds beforehand that they are going to endure the atrocities of a loveless marraige.... it sthe fault of the individual as well as the cultures which nurture them....
Majority of the older people i've met have those kind of relationships. I don't want to end up in that situation. But things have changed so much unlike my ideas as a kid that have made me believe otherwise. sometimes i wonder if we do have a control over our lives? I see people talk differently and end up becoming just like the previous generations.. maybe it's genetically embeded, the way we should live? Who knows.. but no i wouldn't want to end up in a loveless marriage. I am a seeker of eternal bliss :D lol :)
Hmmmm good point Mr. Evil, I guess when people are young they are more radical and they generally do not settle for anything but the best.
But I guess when they grow older they become a slave to habit, and come to the conclusion that they are happy with what they have and they become too complacent with life or a marriage. As the saying goes “The known devil is better than the unknown devil”
Hope you are able to find the eternal bliss that you are in search for. I also hope that the newer generation will break all the genetically embedded cells of complacency and never settle for anything but the best.
Thanks Mahisha for the compliment and its great that you share the same views. I too agree with all what you have said.

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Dark Horse, ya I do agree that it is the fault of the individual as well as the culture if you deliberately get into a loveless marriage.

However, in my penultimate paragraph I was referring not only to the latter mentioned types of couples but also to those couples whose marriage has turned sour after some years of marriage.

In my opinion I believe that marriages can go sour for many reasons, but I think the main reasons are due to spouses changing overtime and the loss of a child/ not being able to bear children.

In my eyes I believe that some people change after sometime and the people who remain unchanged are very rare. I pray to God that I will not change. Anyway, I think the main reason for spouses to change is because they tend to take their spouse for granted, which will lead to a lot of hurt and conflict and ultimately will lead to a loveless marriage or sterile marriage.
Anonymous said…
With time, i think couples tend to want more rather than being happy with what they have. Great topic anyways.
Hey Anonymous, thanks for the compliment and ya, I do agree with you to a certain extent as I believe that, this reason probably could be one of the reasons that plunges a marriage into a state of deadlock and lifelessness.
Anonymous said…
Marriage require a lot of lovey dovey stuff. However am not quite sure if its a good thing or a bad thing.
Anonymous said…
I've been married 26 years and I think I can speak from experience on this subject. Change is inevitable and cannot be avoided. It isn't always a bad thing, but it can be scary. Changes go on continuously in relationships with everyone around us, especially those we are closest to. If not, kids would never get a driver's license. In marriage, esp longterm, two people spend their lives trying tO balance the needs of the family, work, and spouse with little energy left for themselves. It isn't intentional but part of the process. The BEST relationships find sometimes that they need something more for themselves than they've had recently, and then they may go through a "selfish" phase (which isn't really selfish but rather just fulfilling their own needs temporarily). The difference between marriages that re-enter the "love phase" again and ones that find themselves stuck permanently in the "loveless phase" (which is really the spouse's selfish phase) is in how the couple bends and flexes to their partner's phases. Age and experience provides the foundation for understanding that these phases come and go continuously and that there is not typically a threat but merely a temporary shift in focus that will shift again in their direction eventually. Of course, there are many factors that can throw everything out of whack, such as the presence of a third party, or a drastic change in physical or emotional state. Those are real threats depending on each partner's ability to adjust or correct themselves. In summary, the best advice is to try to sync your personal phases to one another. When nubby feels like watching tv alone for a couple days, find something to do that doesn't include him. Have your own fun. When he feels the need to get close again, make the transition too at your own pace. When the wife feels the need for couple time, make the effort to plan a little getaway. Sometimes, this is inconvenient, but that's part of being a partner, just like a business. Young couples view phases as relationship threats, but age and experince teach you better.
WOw that sure is some solid advice out of experience. Thanks loads for taking the time to share your thoughts and views. I truly agree with you even though I have not ventured into marriage as yet.